Does Your Cat Consider Themselves Part of the Family?

You might wonder, as your cat purrs contentedly beside you on the couch or headbutts you as you walk in the door—do they really love me? Do they feel like part of the family?

The answer, according to science, is a resounding yes (phew!).

Cats may be famously independent, but research tells us that their bond with us is far more profound than we once thought. In fact, cats experience attachment to their humans in much the same way as kittens do to their cat mothers. That means your cat may not just live with you—they may love you, rely on you, and see you as family.

Let’s explore the science behind this bond—and how you can nurture it.

The Science Of Cat-Human Attachment

We know that engaging with our cats triggers the release of the same attachment hormones—like oxytocin and dopamine—that flood our brains when we connect with our children. These powerful chemicals build connection, soothe stress, and create a sense of emotional closeness between species.

It’s no coincidence that the affectionate behaviours your cat offers—head bumps, purring, rubbing up against your legs, curling up beside you—mirror the same comforting gestures kittens use with their mothers. That’s because domesticated cats have undergone a process of juvenilisation. They retain many kitten-like traits well into adulthood, both physically (think big eyes, round faces) and socially.

Cats raised in human homes learn to see us as their surrogate mothers. Over time, they adapt their kitten-to-mother communication and bonding behaviours to fit their relationship with us. And when we stroke, play, talk to or simply share space with them, it fulfils not only their need for companionship—but ours too. That means these love or bonding hormones are manifesting at similar levels in each of us.

Do Cats Really Love Us? 

Yes! I think we cat lovers have always known it, but now we have the data to prove it.

In 2019, a groundbreaking study from Oregon State University used the same attachment test given to infants and dogs—the “secure base test”—to examine cat-human bonds. In this test, a cat spends time in a new room with their caregiver, is briefly separated, and then reunited. The cats’ reactions are telling.

64% of the cats displayed secure attachment. That means they were able to explore the room, stay relaxed, and use their human as a secure base to return to for comfort. That percentage is almost identical to what we see in human infants.

These findings suggest that cats don’t just tolerate our presence—they choose us, rely on us, and feel comforted by us. When socialised well and given the opportunity, cats form deep, emotional attachments with their humans. And when that bond is secure, it brings enormous mutual benefit.

Of course, cats who haven’t been well socialised—or who are over-attached due to trauma or insecurity—may form more transactional or anxious bonds.

But the finding is that cats truly do love as as family members.

How To Deepen Your Bond With Your Cat

Whether you’re raising a new kitten or living with a mature moggie, there are plenty of ways to reinforce that loving connection—and help your cat feel like a treasured part of the family.

1. Make the most of the critical socialisation window (3–9 weeks)

For kittens, the formative period between 3 and 9 weeks of age is a short but golden window. During this time, their brains are rapidly developing and learning what “normal” looks like—who their family is, what their world should feel like, and whether humans are safe and trustworthy.

To raise a confident, sociable cat:

• Provide daily gentle handling and positive human contact.
• Introduce your kitten to a variety of people, sounds, textures and experiences.
• Use food, play and affection to create positive associations with you.

Kittens who experience this kind of early care are more likely to grow into affectionate, well-adjusted adult cats.

2. Use Food And Play To Build Connection

Cats are clever—and strategic. They know who feeds them, and food is a powerful relationship currency.

Rather than just filling their bowl and walking away, try:

• Hand-feeding special treats or using food puzzles with your involvement.
• Engaging in interactive play using wand toys or chase games to trigger their natural hunting instincts (and bond in the process).
• Scheduling regular “play and cuddle” sessions to deepen your routine connection.
• Clicker training – yes, cats love it just like dogs. Teach the basics like come, sit or a touch target and things like jump up or down.

3. Speak their love language

Your cat is constantly communicating. Learning to respond to their signals helps build trust and understanding.

Look for and return the following affectionate behaviours:

• Head bumps, rubbing and cheek swipes – this is scent-marking behaviour. They’re saying “you belong to me.”
• Slow blinking – this is the feline version of a smile. Lower yourself down to their level and return the gesture with soft, slow blinks to say “I trust you too.”
• Upright tail greeting – this means “I’m happy to see you!” Respond warmly and perhaps with a treat or pat.
• Rolling over to show their belly – this is a sign of deep trust. You may not always be invited to touch, but it’s a compliment either way.

4. Avoid threatening behaviour

Cats are sensitive to body language. While you may be tempted to hold their gaze to “connect,” direct eye contact can feel intimidating,

Instead:

• Keep your gaze soft and avert your eyes from time to time, squint a bit and slow blink.
• Avoid towering over them or sudden movements.
• Let them approach you rather than forcing interaction.

5. Create shared territory

Cats love routine and safety. Help them feel more like a family member by:

• Allowing them access to family spaces where they can observe or interact.
• Creating cat-friendly perches or nooks in shared areas.
• Including them in daily rituals—morning cuddles, evening play, quiet time on the couch.

So… Does Your Cat Think You’re Family?

If you’ve been greeted with a slow blink, rubbed against, or found your cat curled on your lap—they probably already do.

Cats are capable of love, attachment and deep emotional connection. And just like any relationship, that bond can be nurtured with time, understanding, and intention.

By tuning in to their needs, responding to their signals, and offering consistent affection and care, you’ll help your cat feel like not just a pet—but a true and cherished member of your family.

Want To Strengthen The Bond With Your Cat Even More?

Mark Vette’s new book – Cat Zen – is your complete guide to raising and training an emotionally-resilient, socially confident cat that truly loves you right back. See your cat with new eyes, and learn proven techniques to foster trust, prevent hunting and cultivate intelligence and calm companionship in cats – a beautiful and fascinating read for any cat lover!